Couples therapy

Attachment-Based Couples Therapy, Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
I offer attachment-based couples therapy for couples who feel stuck in recurring patterns or are looking to deepen their connection. A relationship can be deeply fulfilling, but also painful and challenging. Precisely because an intimate relationship is so closely connected to our attachment system, old patterns and vulnerabilities can easily rise to the surface. In the dynamic with your partner, you often encounter the very same survival strategies that you developed earlier in life.

If you find yourselves getting stuck in the same conversations, emotions escalating or being pushed aside, or feeling as though you are losing connection with each other, couples therapy can bring a great deal of clarity and relief.

Many couples reach out for support when they begin to notice that they:

• keep getting stuck in the same patterns or arguments
• experience more distance or silence than connection
• no longer feel emotionally connected to one another
• find themselves living alongside each other rather than together
• remain caught in pain, disappointment, or hurt feelings
• experience differences in their need for closeness or space
• feel tension around intimacy, sexuality, or different stages of life
• long for greater safety, openness, and emotional connection

What happens beneath the surface
Partners often touch each other's most sensitive places. This is completely natural, because that is precisely how attachment works. When you become triggered, your nervous system shifts into old survival strategies: fighting, withdrawing, freezing, or pleasing. These strategies can show up in many different ways. When both partners move into survival mode, a pattern can emerge in which it becomes increasingly difficult to truly reach one another.

Beneath these reactions lie emotions, needs, and fears that often remain unseen or unspoken. In EFT, these deeper experiences are brought together in one central attachment question: “Are you there for me?”

How couples therapy can help
In my couples therapy, I work from the perspectives of attachment, nervous system regulation, and interventions based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In EFT, we focus on the underlying emotions and attachment needs that lie beneath your interaction patterns. Together, we explore how you respond to one another and the deeper longings, needs, and fears that underlie these patterns. From there, we work towards a relationship characterised by secure attachment, respectful communication, and greater awareness of both your own needs and those of your partner.

We slow down, explore what is happening beneath the surface, and create a safe space in which both partners can feel heard, seen, and emotionally regulated. From this sense of safety, there is room for new, positive experiences with one another.

Alongside EFT, I integrate elements of Transactional Analysis, Nonviolent Communication, and body-based regulation exercises. This helps you not only understand what is happening between you, but also feel and experience it.

When is couples therapy helpful?
Many couples only seek support once their relationship has become deeply entangled and painful. Yet in many cases, the earlier you explore together what is happening between you, the gentler and safer the path forward becomes.

Couples therapy can also be highly valuable for couples who already have healthy relationship patterns but would like to deepen their connection or learn to communicate more consciously.

I work with couples from Geldrop, Eindhoven, the surrounding region, and throughout the Netherlands via online sessions. I am fluent in English, and international couples are also warmly welcome.

When couples therapy is (not yet) the right fit
In some situations, couples therapy is not the most helpful or safest form of support at that moment. This may be the case, for example, when there is an ongoing affair that has not yet ended, or when one of the partners first needs individual support, such as for severe addiction problems or significant mental health difficulties. We will carefully explore this together during the initial consultation.

Curious about what couples therapy could offer you?
During a free 30-minute online introductory session, there is an opportunity to get to know each other. You can briefly share what you're struggling with and what you hope to achieve. I’ll tell you more about the way I work, and together we’ll explore whether my approach is a good fit for what you need. Click below to schedule a session.